


Cannot Walk Away

by stephaniereads



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Bucky and Steve reunite, It's just the movie with some soft thrown in, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Stucky in Wakanda, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 15:06:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14547372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephaniereads/pseuds/stephaniereads
Summary: "I thought I was flying, but maybe I'm dying tonight."~~Bucky goes through the motions in Wakanda, Steve’s hair is different, and they have two more nights before they walk side by side into hell.





	Cannot Walk Away

**Author's Note:**

> I've been crying over infinity war so I did this to make it worse. I just wanted to write Steve and Bucky discovering their feelings, but that turned into this. !Contains spoilers! Proceed with caution.
> 
> ~~~

~~

White wolf. Bucky found the nickname weird for a while, only because it was another on a long list of names he’d been called that he hardly remembers. He’s gotten accustomed to it now. 

T’Challa refers to him that way, no one else. His little sister is still trying to replace “Sergeant Barnes” with “Bucky”. 

Bucky goes down the list in his head, places Steve’s nickname for him at the top of the list, reminds himself that Winter Soldier should remain at the bottom as long as he lives. 

He’s in the middle of recovering a memory, one that comes to him in flashes. He heard Steve calling his name, sees him, and thinks he’s just a dream. 

“How are you feeling, Serg- ah, Bucky?”

Shuri’s voice startles Bucky out of his thoughts and he glances at her, at her older brother beside her.

“Ok. Thanks.”

He tries to smile, but it doesn’t come easy, and he hopes his attempt doesn’t get mistaken for a grimace of some sort.

“I come with bad news,” T’Challa announces gravely.

“What is it?”

“We’re facing the biggest threat we’ve ever encountered,” he explains calmly. “Like my father before me, and his before, I’ve tried so hard to protect my country, my people.”

“You want me to help.”

“Only if you’re well enough.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be well your majesty,” Bucky replies flatly, “but I’m up for whatever you need me to do.”

~

T’Challa and Shuri give Bucky a run-down of everything- the infinity stones, the stone engraved in Vision’s forehead, the impending doom who goes by Thanos.

It’s a lot and Bucky finds himself overwhelmed, feeling like his head is swimming and he drops his head, takes a deep breath. It only takes one name to bring Bucky out of it, bring him back down to Earth.

“Steve Rogers is coming with Miss Romanov, Vision, and Wanda Maximoff,” Shuri tells him. “The best chance we have at destroying that stone and keeping Vision conscious is me and my lab.”

“Steve’s coming to Wakanda?”

Shuri looks from the side of her eyes at her brother and he narrows his eyes in response. 

“I told you,” Shuri remarks, smirking down at her own feet. 

“Told him what?”

“Nevermind,” T’Challa waves Bucky off. “And yes, Captain Rogers is due in the next day or so.” 

“And this guy, Thanos. If he gets his hands on all the stones-“

“Then everyone around you will be gone.”

The smirk on Shuri’s face dissipates and T’Challa bumps his shoulder against hers, gives her a gentle squeeze.

“I’ll do whatever I can,” Bucky reminds the two of them. 

“Thank you, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Bucky,” he corrects them, adds a please for good measure.

“Come on,” Shuri replies, trying to stay bright. “Let’s try out that new arm of yours.”

~

Bucky will probably hold onto the anger of having his arm replaced with a hunk of weaponized metal forever, but this new one isn’t so bad. It feels lighter on his shoulder, but can do more damage than before. 

“Thanks, Shuri,” Bucky says with a small smile. 

“You’re welcome, Sarge! Good as new.”

The corner of Bucky’s mouth turns up and he wiggles the metal fingers, rolls his shoulder.

“Feel alright?”

“Yeah, thank you.”

“You’ve got something else on your mind though,” Shuri observes.

“No, no, just. Processing all the information.”

“And I’m sure that ‘information’ includes Captain Rogers arrival to Wakanda, no?”

Bucky narrows his eyes at Shuri and she only smiles mischievously, shakes her head.

“You may be smart, but you don’t know everything, Princess.”

His tone is teasing, as is the way he says princess, but Shuri scowls at him. 

“You’re just mad cause I _do_ know everything.”

T’Challa walks in then, nods at Bucky, presents a closed fist for Shuri to bump her knuckles against.

“Bucky was just telling me how excited he is to see Captain Rogers.”

“I was not.”

T’Challa looks between the two of them and can’t help but laugh at Bucky’s expression.

“She’s good at that,” he remarks.

Bucky smiles again, more so when Shuri questions her older brother and he calls her a pain in the neck with no hesitation. 

“I’ll post that video,” she threatens.

“What video?”

“C’mon, T, you know,” she replies and mimics her brother tripping and falling.

“Understood.”

Bucky shakes his head at the siblings and Shuri leaves them to discuss the current state of affairs further. 

“If this is going to turn into an all out war, it’ll happen here.”

“I’m sorry.”

T’Challa looks up, surprised. 

“Don’t say sorry yet, Barnes. We’ve still got a chance.”

~

_Steve with thin limbs and ragged breaths. Steve holding onto Bucky like his life depended on it the night after his mother’s burial. Steve finding Bucky on Zola’s table. Steve dropping the shield. Steve’s face moving farther away and his scream softening as Bucky plunges into nothingness._

He jumps up, startled, a scream stuck in his throat. The nightmares have hardly let up, but some aren’t so severe. This one leaves Bucky covered in sweat, his hair stuck to the back of his neck and his forehead, his heart pounding.

“Barnes.” 

T’Challa calls from the doorway to the little cabin Bucky’s been staying in.

“Would you like to join me to welcome your friends?”

“I wouldn’t call them that exactly.”

“Well then your friend Steve and _his_ friends.”

Bucky huffs a sound like a laugh. “I’ll be right there.”

~

Bucky stands on T’Challa’s right, watches the small group walk off their aircraft and head towards the king of Wakanda.

He watches Steve politely greet T’Challa, Shuri, and General Okoye. He doesn’t miss how as soon as Steve’s eyes land on him, they brighten. 

“Bucky.”

They lean in instinctively, wrap their arms around each other and it makes Bucky ache how perfectly they fit. 

“Cap.”

“How are you, Buck?”

“Not bad,” Bucky shrugs, smiling his first genuine smile in literal decades, “for the end of the world.”

~

Steve briefs everyone and what’s going on, estimates how much time they have.

“A couple of days?”

“Maybe less.”

Bucky sighs and T’Challa’s shoulders tense up with nerves.

“We’ll need everyone we can get on our side.”

“Of course.”

“And we need to be prepared for the worst.”

Steve gazes sadly at Bucky, at the land outside the window that will soon be a battleground. 

“Always am,” Bucky replies quietly. 

T’Challa clears his throat, announces that he’s going to contact as many people as he can to fight alongside them.

“You’ve had a long trip, Rogers,” he observes. “Have the rest of the night to yourself. Not much for you to do for now. I have new shields being worked on for you.” 

Bucky thinks he sees T’Challa wink over his shoulder at him, but maybe he just blinked or it was a trick of the light.

“He’s good,” Steve says, watching T’Challa exit the room. “He’s real good.”

“Helped me after everything.”

“I owe him for that.”

“You? Why?”

“He gave me my best friend back,” Steve says, a little shyly. He sits beside Bucky and gently nudges his elbow against the cool metal of Bucky’s arm. “All shiny and new.”

Bucky smiles, but it falters quickly.

“It’s still me, Steve. I’m still a murderer, I’m still just a weapon.”

“No, Buck. No, listen to me, you’re not a murderer. You did those things and yes they were horrible, but you weren’t there to stop yourself. It wasn’t you, Bucky.”

“You always do that, Steve.”

“What?”

“Find the good. Even when it doesn’t deserve to be found.”

“You’re good, Buck. You deserved to be found.”

Bucky can feel the ache in his chest. Every second spent not kissing Steve or touching him or simply being near him hurts. And he’s here now and Bucky still aches even with two of them barely inches apart because all he is is Steve’s best friend. He loves that title, though he doesn’t think he deserves it.

That doesn’t stop him from wishing he was something more.

~

“Have you remembered a lot?”

Steve trails his fingers over a chest in Bucky’s little cabin by the water. 

“Bits and pieces still.”

“If you have any questions, you know you can talk to me.”

Bucky is silent. He sits on the bed and combs a shaking hand through his hair, sighs deeply.

“What were we like?”

“Us?”

“Yeah.”

“Well we were inseparable, Bucky.”

“Yeah?”

Steve nods, a grin taking over his permanently grave expression. 

“If I was getting my ass kicked in an alley, you were around the corner to come to my rescue. If you had a date, then so did I.”

“You had ‘em on the ropes.”

Steve laughs, shakes his head. “You remember that of all things.”

“I remember _you_ ,” Bucky replies, voice barely a notch above a whisper.

“Bucky.”

“All of my memories come back to you. When you found me, when we lived together in Brooklyn, when you said my name in the street that day… it’s always you, Steve.”

Steve doesn’t make a sound and Bucky wonders if he’s even still breathing. Before he can say anything, Bucky speaks again.

“Till the end of the line.”

Steve lets go of a breath and Bucky stands up, moves towards him carefully.

“You were my best friend, Steve.”

“I still am if you’ll have me.”

“No,” Bucky replies flatly. “Can I try something, Stevie?”

Bucky knows Steve sort of hates the nickname, but he also knows Steve sort of loves it, couldn’t say no to it if he wanted to.

“Yeah, Bucky. Anything.”

Something in Steve’s voice, in its breathlessness, the way it cracks softly, lets Bucky know he truly means anything.

So Bucky dives into it before he gets too scared and backs away. He leans in, lets his lips ghost over Steve’s, breathes gently. Bucky doesn’t expect Steve to close the gap between them, but Bucky doesn’t stop him when he does. They melt into it like they’ve done this before, like they knows each other better this way than any other.

“Have we-“

“No,” Steve rushes. “I didn’t think you wanted- I didn’t know, Buck, I always wanted-“

“Don’t start blabbering now, Steve.”

Steve barely gets out an apology before they’re kissing again, gently, nervously, with a mutual desperation decades in the making. Steve lets his tongue dip out to part Bucky’s lips and in the same moment, Bucky backs up, drops his head so his hair falls around his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“This is a lot, Steve,” Bucky says. “It’s overwhelming. I’ve come to terms with a lot and Shuri has done a lot of unscrambling up here,” Bucky adds with a point to his head, “but I haven’t seen you in over a year, Steve, and I still need a lot of work and I missed you, _fuck_ I missed you-“

“Bucky, you’re blabbering now.”

Steve’s smiling, but Bucky’s apology is serious. 

“You’ve been through hell and back and I think about everything I could have done for you and didn’t every day.”

“You can’t blame yourself, Steve. How would you know if I survived the fall?”

“I could have followed you. I could have looked for you after.”

“Don’t say that,” Bucky says sternly, his tone bordering on angry. “If you ever follow me like that and we both survive, I’ll kill you.”

Steve laughs, lets his forehead rest against Bucky’s when he quiets down.

“Let’s take it slow, ok?” Steve prompts Bucky. “You’re dealing with a lot, you have been since that day in DC.”

Bucky nods, nuzzles gently against Steve.

“So let’s just take it easy.”

“Yeah, ok.”

“Ok?”

Bucky nods, hugs his best friend- his more-than-a-best-friend- and doesn’t let go.

“You know something, Bucky?”

Steve breaks the comfortable, heavy silence and Bucky looks up.

“It’s always you, too. Always was.”

~

“So T’Challa and Shuri know? How do they know when we didn’t even know?”

Bucky laughs at Steve’s genuine confusion. 

“Shuri knows everything.”

They’re in bed, stripped down to almost nothing. They’ve done nothing but catch Bucky up on old memories, share stories, get distracted by each other’s touches. It’s warm in the space they share, but they don’t move away from one another, soak up the feeling skin radiating heat and twined limbs.

“How bad do you think it’ll be? With Thanos.”

“The worst we’ve dealt with,” Steve guesses.

“You’ll make it,” Bucky reassures him when he notes Steve’s gaze wander and go a bit blank.

“If I do, you better, too,” Steve replies. “Even if I don’t.”

“You will.”

Steve catches Bucky’s hand in his and Bucky watches as Steve gently rests Bucky’s palm against his cheek. Bucky rubs gently at the scruff on Steve’s jawline, leans down, lets their lips brush sweetly.

“You’re a tease, Barnes.”

“Jackass.”

Steve laughs and Bucky absorbs the sound with his mouth, thumbs at the crinkles that form at the corner of Steve’s eyes when he smiles.

Bucky’s expression hardens and he can feel the words whizzing through his mind, forces himself to not let them spill out.

“What are you thinking about?”

And of course Steve knows, he always does, always did know Bucky like the back of his own bruised knuckle hands.

Bucky doesn’t know how to tell Steve that he’s thinking about how sorry he is for putting anything but a crinkly eyed smile on Steve’s face. How much he’s missed him. How scared he is to lose him again. 

“Just you,” Bucky replies instead.

“I’m here, Buck,” Steve reassures him.

“I know,” Bucky says, sighing into the hollow of Steve’s neck.

They fall slowly into each other’s touches again and Steve can feel the warmth of Bucky’s breath against his mouth when Bucky pulls away suddenly.

“What are you doing?”

“Come with me.”

Steve obediently follows Bucky outside and they take a short walk to the bank of the water. Bucky dips his toes in and Steve comes up behind him, close, but not close enough.

“You ever gone skinny dipping, Cap? Or is that frowned upon in your line of work, what with being America’s patriotic sweetheart.”

“No, smartass, I haven’t.”

Bucky grins and disrobes, doesn’t let Steve get even the slightest peek at anything but Bucky’s bottom right before it disappears into the water. When Bucky comes back up, his hair is slicked back and his chest is heaving to catch his breath, and he notices Steve staring.

“Aren’t you gonna come in?”

“What if someone sees? I mean, there has to be surveillance, right?”

“So what if there is? We’re fighting in an all out war real soon, Steve, make the most of what you’ve got.”

“Don’t talk like that, Bucky,” Steve pleads. 

Bucky softens, wades back to the bank so the water sits at his hips.

“I can’t talk at all if you kiss me again.”

Steve shakes his head but sure enough, smiles, lets his shoulders relax. He strips off what little clothing he had on and follows Bucky out into deeper water. Bucky finds it hard to ignore Steve’s naked body pressed against his back. Bucky’s about to say something, but gets distracted by Steve’s cheek against his shoulder, his breath on Bucky’s neck sending a chill down his spine.

“I can’t lose you again.”

“We don’t know what’s gonna happen-“

“I can’t, Bucky.”

Bucky twines his and Steve’s fingers together, tilts his head to rest against Steve’s. Bucky doesn’t want to lose this, commits the moment to memory. It’s everything Bucky’s ever wanted, and if this is all they have, he needs to hold on as long as he can. 

~

They bring a blanket out of Bucky’s cabin when they finally muster the strength to let go of each other. They lay it on the ground so that the corners barely miss the water’s edge because Bucky told Steve he needs to see a Wakandan sunrise and sunset. 

Bucky doesn’t remember falling asleep and wakes up to the gentle sound of a pencil scratching. He peers up through sleepy eyes at Steve’s hunched figure. 

“Still?”

Steve turns to meet Bucky’s eyes, notes the nod towards the book.

“Never stopped.”

Bucky sits up, stretches, shifts a bit so he can lean over Steve to peer at the drawing. It’s not quite finished and Bucky apologizes for moving too soon.

“You looked so peaceful,” Steve observes, waving off the apology. 

Bucky realizes that even though he didn’t sleep for long, it was the best sleep he’d gotten in a while. Because of course Bucky sleeps easier with Steve around. Everything is easier with Steve around. 

“Do you have to meet up with everyone or do we have some time before?” Bucky asks, touching the paper with his face printed over it.

“I think we have some time.”

“Stay with me,” Bucky tells Steve. “Please.”

Bucky doesn’t intend for his voice to sound so desperate or for the lump in his throat to crack his voice. He looks away from Steve, towards the sunrise, and Steve wraps his arm over Bucky’s shoulder, pulls him in. He kisses the side of Bucky’s head through his hair, inhales with his cheek atop Bucky’s head.

They sit like that for a while and reluctantly drag themselves inside the little hut, sleep cuddled close despite the heavy warmth. Steve wakes up with his cheek turned into Bucky’s hair and Bucky’s arm stretched over his chest. He combs through the soft locks and Bucky comes to slowly.

They both know they have to get up now, find the group and figure out a plan. The two of them take their time pulling apart from each other, interrupt with kisses and gentle touches.

Bucky leads the way and they’re guided up to a room where T’Challa is going over his plan of defense, who he’s gotten to be on their side. He ends the address telling everyone in the room that for now, all they can do is wait for the arrival of Thanos and his followers.

Steve and T’Challa discuss different plans of attack and Bucky listens along with the few others in the room. It’s going to be tough and there are no guarantees of making it out alive, but there’s an air in the room of readiness, of fear being burned into strength.

“We think they’ll come tomorrow,” T’Challa explains. “So we should be prepared at a moment’s notice.”

Everyone nods solemnly and T’Challa crosses his arms over his chest to salute and dismiss the room. Bucky joins Steve by the window where he’s talking to Nat.

“I know how unlikely it is for everyone to make it out, but I don’t want it to go any other way.”

“None of us do, Steve.”

Steve stares out the window and Bucky claps his shoulder, squeezes softly.

“We’re gonna try,” Bucky reminds him and Nat nods, shares the ghost of a smile with Bucky behind Steve’s back.

~

Steve didn’t plan on staying with Bucky again, but he ends up in the little cabin anyway, wrapped in Bucky’s arms and legs where they sit on the bed. 

They’re nervous, but ready for whatever comes next. They steal kisses and Steve tells Bucky stories of their old life that he remembers easily thanks to the help he’s gotten from Shuri throughout his stay. 

“I would get so jealous,” Steve admits. “You could land any girl you looked at and I couldn’t even pretend to be ok with it with another girl cause they wouldn’t give me a second look.”

Bucky laughs and kisses the side of Steve’s hair. “I forgot to tell you how much I like this new hair.”

“Yeah?”

Bucky hums. “Suits you, the rough around the edges look.”

Steve’s lips tilt up and Bucky combs through his grown out hair. Their scruff scratches against one another’s when they kiss and it’s oddly pleasant. Bucky wishes this was all there was- himself and Steve in a bed too small for the two of the but comfortable nonetheless, sharing memories and kisses and making up for lost time.

They lost so much time.

~

Bucky wakes up the next morning to Steve already awake and getting dressed in a hurry.

“What’s going on?”

“They’re coming.”

“What?”

“Something crashed into the field outside Wakanda’s borders. They’re coming,” he repeats, a shake to his voice that Bucky hates.

Bucky gets ready quickly and they jog to the main building. T’Challa’s allies are already preparing themselves on the frontlines and Steve gets his shields set on his new suit while Bucky gets armed with new weapons.

Bucky wanted more time in the morning, a second alone to talk to Steve. They’re surrounded by people now and caught up in the happenings, but Bucky manages to get Steve alone for a moment on the battlegrounds. 

Steve’s expression softens from the creased, stressed out seriousness he’s been maintaining when Bucky looks at him. There’s a lot they both could say, there’s a lot Bucky wants Steve to know, but they both know there’s not a lot of time.

“I’m with you till the end of the line,” Bucky tells Steve.

Steve swallows hard and leans in to Bucky, lets their foreheads touch briefly.

“Me too, Buck.”

And before one of them can even take a breath, it starts.

~

Structures crash into the ground and open up to reveal creatures running as fast as they can into the wall that surrounds Wakanda. T’Challa is suited up, flanked by the general and her army, his ally M’Baku on his opposite side.

“They’re going to get through.”

“Wait,” T’Challa urges.

Steve and Bucky watch it unfold, on edge, ready to run into battle with Nat and Bruce right behind them.

“Where’s Wanda?”

“She’s with Shuri,” Bucky reminds him. “She’s working on the stone.”

The wall weakens and a creature gets through and they watch as the forcefield slices the thing in half, the others still fighting to get through and falling into the same fate.

“Jesus.”

Steve overhears T’Challa’s voice saying “open”, General Okoye’s saying “can’t” and then T’Challa is giving orders to lift a section of the wall.

“He’s letting them in.”

“What?”

T’Challa’s chant rings through the field and his army’s response resonates with it. Steve keeps his gaze steady, his lip stiff, and Bucky admires how brave he looks even when he doesn’t always feel it. Bucky follows suit, lets the foreign words being shouted around him empower him, give him enough hope and strength for himself and Steve. 

They all watch the walls dissipate and Bucky hears Steve say the words back under his breath, like it’s their little secret, an “I love you” only the two of them understand. “Till the end of the line.”

They take off running on a cue and it becomes a blur all too quickly. Bucky hits targets with extraordinary ease and Steve takes out the monsters with the shields. It’s loud and chaotic and the ground shakes beneath them with the force of it all. Steve watches Bruce in his suit get thrown into a cluster of trees and sees Nat struggling with someone before she wins and moves on to the next.

Bucky watches Steve’s fists flying, tearing through the creatures. It’s like when they kill one, five more replace it. They just keep coming and fighting them gets harder and then lightning strikes in the middle of the field taking out a load of the creatures.

Steve nods at Thor and Bucky watches, impressed, turns quickly to shoot at a creature that was too slow coming up behind him.

Just like that, they lose sight of each other again. The conditions get worse and the creatures continue to flood in, and Steve ends up cornered in the same cluster of trees just in time to see him.

He steps through a clouded portal, bigger than Steve imagined, the stones in his gauntlet glowing ominously.

The battle rages on and Steve tries to hold Thanos back, throws punch after punch. And then Thanos catches his fist and even with every ounce of strength mustered in him, Steve hits the ground like a ragdoll.

~

When he wakes up Thanos is on his knees with an axe in his chest and his fist in the air.

He can’t make out the words that leave Thanos’ mouth, just the scream that rips through Thor. 

He feels a wave, a shift of some sort. Nothing is different, but the feeling in the air. He rises slowly, eyes the surrounding area suspiciously. Everyone around him does the same, just waits, too on edge to make a move.

Bucky wanders through the battleground, steps over bodies and blood, makes his way dizzily towards the wooded area. He feels sick, like everything is swimming. There’s a brief moment of clarity when he finds Steve and the others standing in a clearing.

“Bucky.”

Bucky’s mouth feels strange, everything feels strange, and then he’s leaving, but he doesn’t know where to. He feels like he’s floating, like he’s nothing, and everything is blurry. 

“Steve?”

The last thing Bucky sees is the helplessness in Steve’s eyes, clear as day, and then there is nothing.

~

Steve drops to his knees, a scream or a sob or both caught in his throat. He brushes his fingers over the ground, through ashes and dust. There’s no trace of him, nothing but his gun on the ground where he’d stood just seconds before.

“I’m so sorry, Steve.”

He hears Nat, but he can’t look at her. He just keeps his fingers pressed to the ground, tries to find some semblance of hope in him and for the first time in his life he doesn’t feel anything.

When he finally looks away from the ground, he catches a glimpse of some of the others turning to dust. He can’t even find the strength to stand up because he knew there would be loss, he knew it would be tough, but they never lose and then they lose everything.

It’s silent all around with the exception of breathing and swallowed sobs, but Steve hears it on the wind, in his mind, in every beat of his broken heart.

_I’m with you till the end of the line._

Steve makes a promise to Bucky, hopes he can hear it somehow, that he’ll find him again if it’s possible. Cause even when there was nothing, there was Bucky. He always had Bucky. Now he’s failed him again, now he’s without him again, and Steve can still feel the comb of Bucky’s fingers through his hair. 

A couple of tears drip off Steve’s chin into the ground where Bucky last stood, where the last word he said was Steve’s name.

This can’t be the end of the line. It won’t be, Steve will make sure of that. He has no idea how, but he will.

For Bucky.


End file.
